Same old shit, just a different day.

"I don't know how to ask it, but..."

This can't be happening.

"So, are you...?"

I thought I was going to be able to avoid this for forever.

"Are you really...gay?"

She spits the word out like it was a bad taste in her mouth. My heart is in my throat. I just nod. Her face goes pale.

"It's not really true, is it, Danielle?"

I nod.

"Is it because of your relationship with your daddy? Did he do something bad to you when you were little? Is that why you're like this?"

Her voice is muffled. It's hard to make out the words. Somehow, I open my mouth. It sounds like someone else's voice when the words come out.

"No. I have always felt like this. And I love her. I love her so much."

Her face twists in confusion and disgust.

"I mean, I'm sure you care about her, but I don't think you're in love with her. Two women just can't be in love."

I go on and on but, of course, the words are falling on deaf ears.

"I just know in my heart that this is wrong. And I know you know it deep down too."

______________________________________

You would think as time goes on, this kind of thing would eventually get easier. But I guess it's never going to be easy to hear someone you love tell you that an innate part of your being is repulsive. Unfortunately, it doesn't surprise me anymore. I have just begun to accept it as the norm.

But it shouldn't have to be that way. My girlfriend and I shouldn't have to cling to each other and cry ourselves to sleep on a regular basis because we constantly feel outcasted by the people who are supposed to love us the most. The crazy part is, we are some of the luckier ones. I have a Mama who loves us and supports us. Some people don't even have that. My heart breaks for the people who are sitting home alone (or even worse, out on the street somewhere) crying, wishing their family loved them unconditionally.

This bullshit is NOT okay. And I hope, and I pray, that maybe one day it will be a thing of the past.

You know what, though? A year ago, that conversation with my grandmother would have devastated me. Now, it just motivates me all the more to succeed. I am strong. I am competent. I am worthy. The fire within me cannot be stomped out.