About three years ago, I began having digestive problems. I would be very hungry, but when I started to eat, I immediately felt full. My stomach hurt most of the time. I had heartburn after almost every meal. Numerous doctor visits left me with nothing but frustration. I kept being told I was "fine", but the way I felt told me otherwise. I sought out a gastroenterologist. I was given ultrasounds, MRIs, and upper endoscopies, but all of the results came back "fine". My gastroenterologist told me I had acid reflux and prescribed me with an antacid. When I asked my gastroenterologist about why I was experiencing other symptoms that are not caused by acid reflux, he said to me, "Oh, that's just your anxiety." Mind you, the only reason he knew I had anxiety is because I had mentioned it on my patient form. I wonder what he would have blamed the symptoms on if I had not told him I had anxiety.
I felt crazy. I knew something was wrong with me, but well respected doctors kept telling me I was "fine". I took the prescribed antacid for almost a year––all the while, not having heartburn, but still having virtually all of my other symptoms. I eventually had to quit taking it, because my insurance stopped covering it and I could no longer afford it. Just a few months later, the symptoms began to get bad again. I figured there was no point in going to a doctor because they would just dismiss me, so I just dealt with it. I would numb out the pain with various substances, but I knew something was still wrong with me.
After I graduated from college in May of this year, I moved to Colorado. Just days after moving, the same old symptoms started kicking in, hard. I got to the point where in the middle of every single meal, I would start having severe stomach pain, feel really full, get clammy and lightheaded, and run to the bathroom to throw up. I knew this was not "fine". I talked to my boss about what was going on and she suggested I go see a local naturopathic doctor. I was skeptical but, at the same time, I figured I had nothing left to lose. Going to that doctor was the best decision I could have made. She was attentive, compassionate, and very well educated. She listened to me as though she actually gave a shit about what I was going through. After speaking with her for an hour about my symptoms and struggles, and running several tests, she diagnosed me with Gastroparesis.
The word "Gastroparesis" means "paralyzed stomach", and that is exactly what it is. Part of my stomach is paralyzed, which makes it very difficult for my body to digest food. The food I eat just sits there for hours, or even days, which causes a lot of pain, nausea, and lethargy. Very little is known about this illness because very little research has been done on it. Gastroparesis is often claimed to be "rare", but it actually affects 1 in 25 Americans. 80% of those with Gastroparesis are young women. The causes of Gastroparesis vary, but most of the time, the cause is unknown.I almost started crying right there in her office. It felt so good to just know that I actually had something––that I wasn't crazy. The best thing about my naturopathic doctor was that she gave me options. She did not just prescribe me a pill and send me on my way. She suggested a diet plan for my illness. She explained to me several different natural remedies for managing the symptoms. I decided to give the bitters and digestive enzymes a try. After a couple of weeks, I really started to see a difference. My stomach was only hurting a few times out of the week, instead of every day. I could eat without feeling full. And, most importantly to me, I was not throwing up.
I am very grateful for my doctor in Colorado, because I would likely still be debilitated if I had not met her. Nonetheless, Gastroparesis is an incurable illness. It is something I have to deal with every day of my life. I try to keep a smile on, as much as I can, because I think it helps me not focus on the pain. But sometimes, the pain is too much. It may not visible to the outside world, but it is there. All it takes is eating something that my stomach decides does not sit well, and I am doubled over in the fetal position on the floor, crying. Since my body cannot digest food properly, I lack many of the nutrients I need, so I have to take a boatload of vitamins. That still does not solve everything though, and I am gradually losing weight because of it.
It is difficult to look in the mirror and wonder if my face looks even thinner. It is difficult to ignore how loose my clothes feel. It is difficult to have to cancel plans with people because I do not have the energy to get out of bed. It is difficult trying to decide if I should tell the person I am hanging out with that I am in pain, or if I will just annoy them with my complaining. It is difficult to have to constantly rely on my girlfriend to help me because I am in too much pain to do it myself. Don't get me wrong, I am getting much better at learning how to cope, but this illness does not go away. It is always there. It plays a part in every decision I make. I think about it every hour of every day. Most days aren't too bad. But then, every once in a while, it is almost crippling.
That is why I want to share Invisible Illness Awareness Week with you. If you do know someone with a chronic illness, try to remember that they are doing the best they can. It means the world to have people in my life who are patient with my struggles. Be that person to someone. And remember, you may have no idea of the kind of pain someone is going through. Try to be kind.
Check out G-PACT and consider donating to research and development for this chronic illness.
Also, check out Suffering the Silence, an online community for patients, friends, and family to share and witness the true living experience of chronic disease. On Instagram @sufferingthesilence .
No comments:
Post a Comment